So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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