Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It's blow job season.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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