I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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