If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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