i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
