so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
