If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just invented taco cereal.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
