yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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