If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
