Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
