OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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