Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
