She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I have post one night stand depression
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