I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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