Tell her she can't have a vagina
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
