Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
