you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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