thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
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My dream of liquor pitchers came true
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
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I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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