cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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