I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Randomize
