Hey man sorry I got all grabby
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
