i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
