OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
oh god the rape fog is back!
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
