I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
