i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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