Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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