Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
