I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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