Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
