those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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