ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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