need another drink. this is the easiest way
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
where are you?
Hypothermia
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
