this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
