I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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