Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
