Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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