Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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