Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
