Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
