i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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