Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
