The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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