Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
