I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
