The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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