I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
