Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
