Taylor Swift is so right about you.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i came on her dog
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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