you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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