Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
