kristin has been a bad kristin
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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