hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I need a beard to bite.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
