1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
