I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
