she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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