Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
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he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
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BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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