She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
