Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
