My room smells like vodka and shame
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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