I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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