I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize