I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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