would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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