i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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