Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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