You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
