I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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