he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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