Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
